Agent Smith Considers A Career Change
by Flippant
Summary: One drunken night, Agent Smith or shall I say Agent Smithina considers a career change! Please review!
1. Part I

Title: Agent Smith Considers A Career Change

Rating: PG I guess.

Category: Humour

Disclaimer. You know the drill, not mine.

A/N: * hangs head in shame * Don't ask.

~Flippant 

Three Agents were sitting in the interrogation room. Their feet up on the table that seemd to be collapsing under the weight of all the junk food and alcohol.

"Truth or dare?" Brown asked Smith, slurring his words. 

Agent Smith took a while answering, pondering his decision. 

"...Dare." He said slowly and immediately regretted his choice when he saw the look Browns and Jones shared.

Pure evil. 

"I want you to dress and drag." Said Brown, an evil smirk plastered on his usually stoic face, "and sing "Barbie Girl." The Agent's smirk turned it a wide smile.

To say that Smith was suprised would be the understatement of the century.

Smith was not one to back down from a darw, no matter how absurd it was.

Slowly he replied. "Alright...I'll do it."

"Excellent." Said Brown as he stood up and stumbled over to a concealed cupboard.

Smith watched as his companion opened the cupboard and pulled out what must have been the World's largest make-up kit and a bundle which looked like a bright pink flamingo costume. 

Brown bounded over to him and opened the make-up kit which seemed to contain a never-ending supply of stick-on beads, glitter and bright pink, blue and purple mistakes.

Why, oh why had he agreed to do this he thought, shaking his head.

Agent Brown started on the beautifying process and 10 minutes later, Agent Smith started to feel like a poorly decorated Christmas tree.

"All done!" giggled the very drunk Agent and he handed Smith a mirror.

When Smith saw his reflection, all he wanted to do was curl up and die. He not only felt like a Christmas tree, he looked like one too.

His lips were now an atrocious shade of hot pink, his eyes were now hooded in a monstrous shade of purple and he had blue jewels stuck around his eyes and face.

His two companions were red-faced with laughter.

"Now for the finishing touch!" Said Jones, through fits of giggles and pulled out a bright rainbow wig from behind his back and set it atop Smith's head.

"Okie, that's the make-up done. Now it's time for the costume." Giggled Jones, and he picked up the bright pink flamingo costume and unrolled it. It was revealed not to be a bird costume but a dress. A bright pink dress complete with not only feathers, but extraordinary amounts of glitter, sequins and beads. The whole shebang.

Slowly Smith picked up the dress, turned around and slip it over his head. The sound of the other Agent's laughter bounced off the walls, echoing around the room and driving him insane.

Smith turned around and faced his now red-faced counterparts. 

They errupted into fresh bouts of giggles.

Agents were designed to feel emotion, but Smith swore he felt embaressed right to the tips of his rainbow colored wig.

"The shoes! The shoeeeeeeees!" Wheezed Brown in between his giggles and pointed to a pair of bright pink matching stiletto's complete with feathers which were laying haphazardly on the table.

Smith picked them up and slowly put them on, choosing to ingnore the tittering Agents.

"Now it's time for the last part of your dare. Time for you to give us a performance Smithina." Snickered Brown. 

At that moment, a karaoke machine appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Great. Now the Architect was watching this.

Smith thought that if he was going to give them a show, it would be the best goddamn show anyone had ever seen.

Carefully he stepped up on the table, kicking the empty bottles of alcohol and empty packets of chips on the floor. He picked up the mic and started to sing.

"I'm a barbie girl in a barbie world. Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic!" He sang as he executed dance moves that would make even Michael Jackson green with envy.

Smith couldn't ignore the fact that he was enjoying himself.

Maybe it was time for a career change, he thought as the other two Agents clapped and wolf-whistled.


	2. Part II

Title: Agent Smith Considers A Career Change Part 2

Rating: PG because I don't want to ever own a G fic. 

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine, I am not to be held responsible for the following: hallucinations, disturbing dreams and/or any other mental images. 

A/N: Don't ask. I'm sick and I've had Cherry Coke. Yes, I have been told this is disturbing but then again, so am I.  I am going to continue this because I love poking fun at Smith and I haven't forgotten about my other fics, I'm just slow/lazy.   :-P

Part II - Of Scissors and Hair

Agent Smith walked stealthily down the crowded city street. His highly polished shoes making a path through the crowd as his eyes behind the sunglasses searched for any wandering rebels. 

Out of the corner of his eye, a sign grasped Smith's attention. In brightly sparkly letters there shone a sign which read "Neo-Style: We Cut Hair, Wax, Pierce And Manicure!"

That word, Neo. It filled him with an anger he wasn't meant to feel, he was a program and therefore feelings were something he need not be burdened with. But it was there, the anger welled up inside him like a storm until he felt the enormous need to punch something, preferably another rebel. 

Normally Smith would have kept walking but this time was different. He was compelled to stay and inspect this building. Carefully he stepped closer to the pink abomination and was horrified by what he saw.

An overweight woman sat in one of the chairs, her blonde hair hanging limply, dripping with water. Smith watched entranced as one of the hairdressers, a bubbly looking girl dressed in a pink apron, started to snip at the womans hair with a pair of sharp looking scissors. He watched as the hairdresser clumsily cut the womans hair. If there was one thing Smith could not stand it was people doing things wrong. 

Quickly analyzing the situation, Agent Smith decided to take matters (or in this case, scissors) into his own hands. Casually he stepped inside the Saloon and was immediately smothered by the putrid smell of shampoo and some cheap perfume. Ignoring the stinging pain in his eyes he walked over to where were the blonde woman sat in the chair and pushed the hairdresser abruptly out of the way, 

"Out of my way, human." Smith spat at her.

"Wha…What are you doing?" She stammered. 

Smith merely sneered at her, ignoring her protests and threats. Meanwhile the lady in the chair seemed oblivious to what was going on around her, actually it seemed as though she had fallen asleep. 

Smith looked at her for awhile, immersed in thought. He stared at her for what seemed minutes before he finally started to cut the woman's hair. His cuts were precise and slowly a fashionable hair style seemed to immerge from the wet blonde mass that was. 

Smith smiled to himself, this was actually more fun than he thought it would be.

As Smith made the last snip he looked at his creation and was filled with an overwhelming pride. The woman now had a hair cut identical to his, complete with receding hair line. 

Smith handed the woman and watched as she looked at her reaction in the little mirror.  The womans face turned pale, than green and than finally a bright shade of red. 

"What the hell? What have you done to my hair?! Are you even a real hairdresser!?!?" The woman screeched at Smith.

Smith seem unperturbed.  "You humans never had an eye for style in the first place." And with that he pushed the woman out of the shop. The little bell tinkling as the door slammed shut.

Smith looked around and to his surprise he saw that he was the only person left. All the customers seemed to have left and the rest of the staff seemed to be hiding. 

Was he really that bad? He though. No, he told himself. He was a great hairdresser. It was the humans who were stupid and oblivious to style and with that he also exited Neo-Style, his mind filled with visions of his own hair saloon. Stylin' Smith. Hmmm….he thought, that was a catchy name for a buisness.

Maybe it was time for a career change, he thought as he observed the unflattering hair cuts around him. 

A/N: It was lame and short in my opinion but I hope you liked it. Please read and review.


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